Why This Is Not A Food Blog...

Thanksgiving is right around the corner

and I am in the mood for Pie.

It's really when all the great pie recipes come forth

to tempt us .

Doesn't this look tempting???

I get together with a bunch of young moms twice a month

for fun, fellowship and food.

I am not a young mom any more,

but I cook breakfast for them now and then,

so the let me be in the group.

My friend Lezlie and I 

 got our heads together and decided

that it would be fun to practice making pie dough together.

Lezlie is a great cook and likes to make things from scratch,

so I figured that at least one of us would know what to do!

I have been curious about the shortening vs.lard vs.butter debate,

and decided to bring along some lard to see what would happen.

Time always seems to get away from us at these gatherings,

and I didn't get to actually bake the batch I made,

so when I got home I whipped up two more batches,

one using lard and the other using shortening.

I had no recipe that told me what temperature to bake the 

single, empty crusts,

so I just went with 375 and waited.

And waited, 

and waited.

I finally took them out after about 1/2 an hour

and was not a happy camper.

As you can see, they are not pretty. 

They shrank.

They are pale

and unappealing.

Apparently, the planets were not even remotely

 lined up that day,

because

I even managed to scorch my favorite chocolate filling,

aka Betty Crocker red cookbook!

Blechkkkkch!

I asked my youngest son Kevin to do a taste test for me

and let me know which dough tasted better.

Note to self: ask somebody less honest!

The next day, 

Kevin: Yeah, about those crusts...what exactly happened?

Me: I baked them too long at too low a temp.

Kevin: Yeah, they both sucked.

Me: Right.

Note to self: make sure he knows never, never, never to say those words

to his wife, fiance, casual date, or even his sisters!

As you can see from this pathetic picture,

there are many many problems with these crusts

which tended to distract me from the original question,

which was "which is better, lard or shortening?"

I felt compelled to do some research and 

settle these other issues for my own peace of  mind.

And also world peace.

Note to self: Next time do online research BEFORE you try to demonstrate 

something you havn't done in years!

Ahem!

There is a lot of info about pie crusts on the internet.

Unfortunately there is a lot of disagreement about pie crusts too.

Some of the ladies swear by lard.

Some of the ladies swear by shortening.

Some of the ladies swear by BUTTER.

Some of the ladies say No No No do not use Butter!

Some of the ladies swear by Butter AND lard!

Also there are many blogs that failed to tell me what temperature to bake

the single crust (officially known as a "blind crust")

(Now don't you feel culinary?)

and for how long

I still don't feel real confident about that question!

Anyway,

after hours and hours of studying and searching various food blogs,

I feel ashamed that I went into this whole pie crust gig

with so little knowledge!

There is so much to know!

Let's look at my pathetic pies again, shall we?

Do not bother to comment about the lack of topping here,

I was so disappointed with the crust,

I didn't want to mess with it,

and really, my family knows where the Cool Whip is!

That whole shrinking down to half it's size really irked me!

Just look at them...so puny and small!

Infuriating!

That's not a pie,

that's a tartlet!

That's a chocolate pizzalet!

I learned that the key to avoiding that is THIS:

once you have placed your dough in the pan and crimped it all up nice and pretty,

PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE AND TELL IT TO CHILL OUT FOR ABOUT 1/2 HOUR!

I also learned that it's a good idea to chill the dough in the fridge about an hour

before you even roll it out.

Almost everyone said to do this,

so it must be pretty important.

The experts also stressed the importance of 

chilling the shortening

chilling the butter,

chilling the lard...

one lady even said to chill the flour.

This must be all about the chilling!

They also said to work fast.

Keep plenty of flour on your work surface so the dough won't stick

Add the liquids a little at a time and if your dough

doesn't hang together when you roll it out, add more liquid a T at a time...

I just globbed mine back together and rolled it out a second time and it looked great...

maybe not a good idea,

but I wasn't about to pitch it at that point!

They also suggested using weights to keep a single crust from shrinking.

Lay some parchment paper in the crust,

fill with beans, or pie weights

(one lady uses pennies)

bake for 20 minutes, then take the paper and weights out

poke a bunch of holes in the crust

and bake for 10 minutes more.

Another thing that I didn't like was

the pale, pasty color of my crust.

I think when I try my experiment using butter,

it will have a better look.

The foodies also said that 

you can brush the crust with milk

or a beaten egg and water combo,

to give it that lovely golden glow 

that we have all seen in pictures.

Just not my pictures!

Even after I had baked my sorry  crusts for 1/2 hour,

they were still pale,

even though I almost scorched the bottom of one!

I have learned a lot about pie crusts

and the internet,

and woman's quest for perfection.

Just Google "flaky pie crust" 

and a whole new world of

opportunity lies at your fingertips.

I am eager to try the butter/lard option.

I'm pretty convinced it will actually taste good.

My daughter keeps sending me pictures of Pioneer Woman pie recipes

that she wants us to bake for Thanksgiving Dinner.

And I want to!

I want beautiful, golden, tasty, flaky, tall, proud pie crusts!

Pie crust that would make the Pilgrims proud!

Me:  If at first you don't succeed.....

Kevin: Pie, Pie again!

Happy Thanksgiving friends!

I hope you get PIE!